Our Empty Summer Bucket-List

The littles are keeping us super busy, and we’re loving every minute of it.  If I could bottle up their current energy, sweetness, and happiness and save it…I would.  I get lost in those quiet moments, the sweet laughter, the cozy cuddles, the bedtime rocking, the sweet little cheeks and the feeling of their tiny arms around my neck.  The days are full of chaos, but good and sweet chaos.  With a 4-year-old and 2-year-old there isn’t a dull moment.  For Christmas, Justin insisted I get an Apple Watch because I’m notorious for not answering calls or replying to texts… I know those of you know me are shocked right now. 😉  The watch hasn’t greatly helped me in being more responsive to phone calls/texts, but it has allowed me to see just how little I sit down, and how many steps I take during a regular day chasing these two…I wouldn’t have it any other way!

We kicked off the summer with our annual Memorial Day vacation with a group of our close friends.  The kids adored every moment of their action packed vacation.  They splashed in the pool, built sand-castles, jumped waves, hit the park, went for ice cream, and spent lots of time enjoying the weather, their buddies, and beach life.  They woke up early, and stayed up late, and by the end of the week, Mom, Dad, and kids were exhausted. They needed lots of rest, and just weren’t themselves for days.  In fact, I don’t think they’ve caught up yet!  We came home and went right to the next things on our to-do lists and planning for the summer.  However, Justin and I have agreed our main goal this summer is to slow down.  Our to-do lists are constantly packed with sports, activities, pre-school, church, lunches, dinners, parties, trips and get togethers. I have recently become aware of how overwhelming even good things can be in our schedules, and have been working on thoughtfully reducing our to-do lists and not over committing our schedules.

We wrapped up Addisyn’s Little Gym dance classes with Show-Week today.  Addisyn was so excited to head to her recital, and looked adorable in her costume and “ballerina hair”.  But as 4-year-olds go…I picked the wrong shoes for her to wear before putting her tap shoes on, her tap shoes were magically too “tight” overnight, and the thought of smiling for a picture was just enough to send her over the edge.  After we wiped tears from each of these incidents and Ms. Erica found her new shoes to use, she was ready to rock.  Crisis averted… until it wasn’t. The second she walked in the dance room, she immediately burst into tears at the sight of all the families piled in to watch their tiny dancers.  She immediately turned around and demanded to go home.  In that instant, as a mother, with a husband who had made arrangements to be there mid work day, and all the preparations leading to that day fresh in my mind, I wanted to make her enter that room and dance her heart out.  I thought all the preparations should be enough to will her stay…all the preparations in buying the costume, dressing her for the day, all the prep-work over the last few months to learn her dance…I thought those things should ensure at least a group photo with her class. But as I tried harder to encourage her to go in, I realized that none of that mattered. More importantly than cute memories of Show Week, I wanted Addisyn to realize it truly was okay for her to feel those feelings.  I wanted her to try, to participate, and have fun, but I wanted her to know that her Dad and I were proud of her regardless. That she had worked so hard all year to earn her award that she wouldn’t dance to get. That she had practiced and participated, and learned and grew in these classes.  At first, I wanted to use the fact that all of those moments were intended for this very day as a bargaining chip for her to enter the room. But then, I had a change of heart and wanted her to make her own choice, and to realize that that option expired after today, because her show would be over.  Addisyn didn’t go in that room. In fact, she wouldn’t even go in to take a picture.  She told me there were so many people, and she just wanted room to dance.

How many times do we box ourselves in this way in life? How often do we work so hard towards a goal or achieving an end-result that we get lost along the way? How often does the the focus on the finish-line take away from our ability to enjoy the very moment.  I was proud of Addisyn today.  Proud of her commitment to dancing, her teachers, and her friends. Proud of every day she dressed up and went to dance this year, proud of every skill she learned, and every dance move she acquired, and I still am.  Her not entering that room, doesn’t take away from her dance experience this year, even if it’s not how we pictured the day taking place.  Even good things can be overwhelming.  Today, Addisyn was overwhelmed by the crowd of people in a small space that would be watching her every move, no amount of preparation from her teachers or herself could prepare her for those feelings.  We left there, with flowers in hand that dad had bought, and treated her to lunch at a spot of her choosing and a special treat.  Even though it wasn’t how I played today in my head, she left there smiling and happy, and that’s all that matters to me.  Today, it was best for Addisyn to slow down, make her own choices, and go at her own pace.  I can’t say I really blame her.

Typically we make a summer bucket-list… and try to check off a host of things to do.  This year, I’m not.  I’m not checking boxes, chasing agendas, and guess what… I probably still won’t respond quickly to your texts or calls (but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you).  I’m letting my kids slow down.  I’m letting them rest.  I’m resting with them…and I’m going to enjoy it.  I’m going to plan less, and do more of just being with my children enjoying whatever that means for our days.  I’m paying more attention to our yes’s and less guilt to our no’s.  I’m letting go of what I think the days should look like for us, and focusing more on the fact that we enjoy each moment that makes up those days. These babies won’t be little forever, and I’m determined to enjoy every second that they are.  Happy Summer guys!

-Kristy