Survival of the Fittest?

Last week my wonderful hubby was on vacation and our beautiful blue-eyed girl turned 14 weeks old. FOURTEEN WEEKS. We have graduated past the newborn stage and crossed into her third month of life. As we packed for our trip to take her to our home town for the first time to meet her family, it dawned on me how quickly she has changed and grown in the last three months. Somehow in the midst of the survival mode that new parents are thrown into and the long nights that accompany welcoming a new life into your home, you don’t notice the rapid changes taking place. You don’t notice that your sweet little one fills out their clothing until the day you put the fresh out of the wash newborn onesie on and it’s too snug to snap. You don’t notice how interested your little one becomes in the world around you until you can’t keep their eyes off the television if it’s on. You don’t notice the not so subtle leaps in development that your precious one masters until you see them perform an action and think to yourself, “I didn’t know she could do that!”  You also can’t anticipate the happiness and joy that comes from looking back on all those advances in development and smiling because your little one has came so far. In the last two weeks alone, we’ve dropped our late night feeding, rolled over more on our own, and began grasping toys and pulling them to our mouth. That’s quite a list of new skills amidst several other new experiences such as our first actual trip to the oceanfront for beach day and our first 5 hour road trip to visit friends and family. Each day I find myself amazed at how fast the first months of parenthood have gone, and each day I find myself trying to savor more and more of these experiences.

But each parent will tell you that there are several moments that you would prefer to not savor, in fact you would prefer to skip them all together.  Those moments are the moments that test your strength and spirit. The long days and longer nights of little to no sleep, the constant accessory of vomit that has been added to your wardrobe, the pile of dirty diapers, the gassy baby with the heart-braking cry, the inconsolable baby with that you’re not sure WHY they’re crying, the three loads of baby laundry you’ve done in one day alone, and the list keeps going. These moments may sound trivial but ask a parent and they’ll tell you how often it can feel like you’re in the arena of The Hunger Games. It’s survival of the fittest, except you have no choice but to be fit.

When I was expecting, I read everything I could get my hands on preparing to parent and care for my child. My husband and I took classes, researched products, painted rooms, stocked up on supplies and completed the the long list that we felt would help us prepare. We quickly learned that our efforts were mediocre at best. It doesn’t matter how many books you read or plans you make, a new parent quickly learns that they know nothing…and I mean NOTHING. Somehow while time is dually passing slowly but also oh-so-quickly, you learn…you do…you survive. You find out that parenthood is not survival of the fittest, even though it often feels that way. In fact, it’s survival of the willing and the loving. It’s a joyous blessing where your child teaches you, from day one.  It’s trying one thing and when that doesn’t work trying something else. It’s throwing everything you’ve tried out of the window and going back to the original method you tried and discarded. It’s full of tears, yawns, and sighs, as well as cuddles, smiles, and laughs. It is simply amazing. You learn that you won’t ever know everything and that whatever is “right” is just what works at that point in time.

Thankfully, survival of the fittest is not the model that parenthood follows. When you’re in the checkout line at Target, as I was today, and your sweet little beauty who has been so content for the entirety of the shopping trip screams her head off the entire time… it’s okay.  When you feel judged for your decisions or scrutinized for your choices…it’s okay.  Whenever you feel like you’re in the flames of the fire just remember this time is for a season, and for each negative experience or moment there are several more that will melt your heart and rejuvenate your spirit.  Mothers: be confident in your parenting choices and decisions! Celebrate the ability to be diverse in your methods and parent your child in the manner that works for you and your child. Lose the need to conform to popular fads or timelines and enjoy these moments.   They truly will not last forever.