Storm Damage

I don’t rave enough about how amazing my husband is, but I really should.  There are so many things I admire about him and not just because he is my husband. He has character traits that make him a good person. He is fun to be around, laid back, easy going, ambitious, driven, God-loving, and he truly cares about people. It doesn’t hurt that he’s easy on the eye either! This is the man in a suit that chases down the trash truck at 7AM on a Monday morning, with a neighbor’s trash can that didn’t get to the street in time. This is the man who rises extra early to take care of our baby girl after her morning feeding so I get to have some “me time,” and go for a run before he heads out of the door for work.  This is the man who will help anyone he can and always puts himself last. This is the man God has blessed me with to stay by my side, and simply, I am grateful for him.

I have learned over the years that everyone has a story, and not all stories have good beginnings. You never know what a person has faced or overcame in life. Justin has a story of his own, just like many of others. Thankfully, Justin has overcame hurt, pain, and loss in his life like many of the rest of us have or are learning to do. That makes the person Justin is so much more awesome to me. Life doesn’t always follow the path that we think it will. The best dreams and visions of life can be tarnished by circumstances you have no control over. Life can bring trials and struggles that are gut-wrenching and steal your hope. It can also bring situations of such a large magnitude that you have neither the understanding nor the strength to overcome. Addictions, adultery, grief, drunkenness, thievery, deceit and a host of other ghosts can steal your joy and affect you in unimaginable ways.  These events unfortunately also impact family members creating a ripple effect. It is hard for those in the storm as well as those who helplessly watch from the outskirts. Surely we’ve all been left jaded after a storm in life wondering, “why?”  Why did this happen?  What could be the cause for this hurt, this setback, this detour?

After losing my sister, I quickly knew life would never be the same.  I did not imagine and anticipate other storms that I have been through since then, or that I had more treacherous waters to navigate; but I still knew I wouldn’t be the same. At first, I wondered if I would ever feel happy again.  I have resolved now, further through the storm, that I am happy and will be happy in life, but part of my sparkle…part of my happiness will always be missing.  I may smile at my giggling 12-week old, but my heart will pain at the same time because she will never know her aunt Mandi on this earth. And I will have to get used to every smile, being a bit broken somewhere deep down; but that’s part of my storm damage. I remember in the early days after losing my sister, taking ice cold showers simply to try and “feel” something other then the pain. I wanted to overcome the numbness that comes along with pain and hurt in our lives. The good news is that after a storm, there’s always a clearing, and sometimes a rainbow.

The reality is that we are not able to anticipate or understand storms in life as we are able to do with the weather. There’s not a meteorologist giving us a forecast of the chance of complete dissipation of our dreams or goals for that day, year, or decade. There is, however, a safety net, an insurance policy, a Saviour to help us through that storm and help repair our damage so that we can feel or smile again.  Our faith has to be strong enough at all times to not need a forecast of the upcoming weeks. If we rely fully on God then we know that we are not meant to understand His ways but we must trust that His will for our lives will be done and that ultimately we will prevail simply because He is on our side. Ecclesiastes 11:5 says, “As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mothers womb, you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.”  Our minds cannot make sense of the events in our earthly lives just as we cannot fathom the joys He has stored for us in an eternity with Him. Sometimes it takes a storm in life to humble ourselves to learn to be fully dependent on God. The period of trials during those storms may not be easy. There me be long nights, dark days, scars, and reminders that never fade, but if you put your hope in Christ you will not brave it alone. He will carry you to your clearing. You never know how He might use that storm in your life, so that you can prevail on the other side.  I tell myself often that I may never understand, but I don’t need to keep a list of my questions, for when I get to Heaven… they will not matter.

How great would it be to help others clean up from a storm? Take a moment today and pray for someone that might be going through a storm. If they’ve been on your mind while you were reading this post, stop and pray for them. If you’re going through a storm, stop and pray for yourself to come out unscathed or more precious after enduring the storm you’re currently in.  For these storms are part of our life stories, and influence the persons that we are.