We Were Meant to be Courageous

In the book of Matthew, one of my favorite can’t-put-it-down books of the Bible, Jesus reveals the power of having faith and believing in Him and The Father. I mean who else scours those red words re-reading repeatedly for some kind of miraculous wisdom to impart upon you? Out of all the miracles you read about at the beginning of this book, the common denominator is the amount of faith the individuals have in Christ and His healing abilities. We even learn that Jesus didn’t perform many miracles in His own hometown because of their lack of faith. Ponder that… how many miracles would you and I miss in our “hometown” because of our lack of faith?

Yesterday, we had a very scary, prayers answered, miracle kind of day of our own. Josiah went for his first infusion to help combat severe depletion of his red blood cells and iron deficiency due to a blood disorder he was recently diagnosed with.  We haven’t said much about what he was enduring. Blood work at 9 months due to prolonged jaundice indicated there was an issue, and about 6 weeks ago we got the first diagnosis. The good news is that his doctors have said that after his initial infusions, if he responds well and receives a good CBC panel in normal range he will only need periodic monitoring and be a normal, healthy, one-year-old!  You might think I’m going to share with you about my courage, Justin’s courage, or Josiah’s courage…but this post isn’t about that. I assure you, out of the three named individuals, Josiah’s courage and bravery was truly outstanding. That one-year-old was the toughest little guy I’ve ever seen as he was stuck repeatedly every 20 minutes for over two hours when the nurses were trying to place an IV line for his infusion and his veins were all too bruised from all his recent blood work to allow them to place a line.  Talk about a rough morning for Mommy and Daddy, and our happy little boy.  The nurses at CHKD Cancer and Blood Disorder Center are truly amazing. They still managed to make the morning enjoyable for Josiah and kept him as comfortable as possible. I was so proud of my little man, he was so BRAVE and STRONG!

The risks with Josiah’s infusion were big.  1 in 6 children responds with a negative reaction sending their body into anaphylaxis, which is deadly. We were told he was going to be monitored for signs and symptoms and would be treated immediately for the reaction, but my Mommy heart was SO heavy as we made the trip to the second floor at CHKD and I felt nauseous at the thought of what we were about to face.  Fear is not of God; it is from the enemy and it is crippling!  I’m so thankful Josiah happily played without fear while waiting on the procedure to start. I’m also so thankful to write that he had NO signs of reaction, and the infusion went well. The doctors and nurses did take this seriously, they checked his vitals every 15 minutes during the infusion, they placed an individual in a chair simply to observe him as he received the infusion and she sat and watched him sleep the entire hour-and-a-half procedure.  I’ll be honest… I was nothing close to courageous yesterday.  Outside I might have appeared to be holding it  together, but inside I was an emotional, nervous wreck. But still… God showed me what true courage looks like.

In the waiting room, we encountered the sweetest little girl, the oldest of all other patients we encountered in the infusion room, I would guess she was around 10 years old.  She was beautiful and sweet, and delighted while interacting with Josiah. I watched as she was there facing her own obvious battle, and being SO brave. If her or her mother ever read this, I wish I could tell them how they both witnessed to me, and how amazed I am at their strength, bravery, and courageousness.  I wish I could tell them how much they both rock, and how I’ve never seen someone more beautiful than when that sweet girl smiled. You see, all of the children in this room are fighting something bigger than most of us will ever face. Most children were receiving chemo-therapy, as I said, the sweet girl we shared an infusion row with was probably the oldest at 10-years-old.  In a room filled with around 12 kids, you can imagine the bravery I witnessed as I looked around, realizing these children had more courage in their pinky fingers than I will ever have.  They played happily with doll houses, trucks, and video games, colored, painted, and played bingo.  All without blinking.  Josiah was the youngest in the room, and he garnered the most attention by all as he at times was crying the loudest and others laughing the loudest in delight.  These children facing huge giants, some with hair, some without, danced the hotdog dance and marked their bingo cards to pass time while enduring a tough treatment. Some, like Josiah, appeared to be sleeping, others reading, others chatting.  All of them not eating their lunch in a school cafeteria as they should be but yet happily making it through the day. God, may my faith and strength be as strong as theirs in the middle of storms!  Whatever battle you find yourself fighting, I hope you can have the same courage as those children.

My point is simple. I walked in that room consumed with fear, like most parents in there I’m sure. Yet those children, those sweet, brave, precious children walked in ready to take on the day. They’re fighters.  They’re courageous.  They found delight in one of the darkest places I can think for a child to be.  The time that Josiah slept in my arms after his infusion began, I spent praying for those families, and praying that if Josiah experienced a reaction we identified quickly. I also sat there amazed at the bravery of each child and parent in that room. Truly amazed.  You see, we were meant to be courageous. The Bible tells us that we are all broken, and broken together. Through that personal relationship of brokenness, we find restoration in Christ that leads to eternal life.  We don’t have answers for why tragedy strikes or why we have to fight unimaginable battles, but we can rest in knowing that He has already won our victory and that we will have everlasting life with Him. A perfect, painless, glorious eternal life. I sure hope those angels we have encountered in our visits to oncology and hematology at CHKD not only seek refuge in Christ, but get massive rewards in Heaven for their COURAGE, and for their faithfulness in serving a healing God. I will think of them when I walk into difficult situations, and hope I have an ounce of their courage.

As for Josiah, my amazing son, you are totally rocking this thing. You’re so brave. And I’m so thankful to be your mother. You’re so strong, so courageous, and so perfectly you. You make me a better me, and your Daddy, sister, and I are so in love with you. May you show each nurse and doctor your muscles as proudly as you have at every blood draw, lab, or IV in the last 10 months. XOXO.

“Be strong. Take courage. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them a second thought because God, YOUR GOD, is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; He won’t leave you.” –Deuteronomy 3:28 MSG